Coaching with Gretchen

Movement, Mindfulness & Self-Care Coaching with Gretchen Schock

Gretchen Schock

Erase Bad Memories to Make Room for JOY!

Coaching, Mindfulness

We are each made up of volumes of memories that create our present, our future, and our past. Each year we take in memories and impressions, which are then filed and stored within us mentally.

We choose for ourselves what memories we are going to keep ready and available at the forefront of our minds so that we can quickly pull them out and revisit them or tell a story about them. And we choose the memories that we are going to keep way back in the back of that filing cabinet, in the dark, dusty parts of the unconscious.

But here’s the thing, those memories, need to be weeded through regularly. Like tending to a garden, after planting the flowers we still occasionally need to pull out the weeds that have crept in.

The reason for weeding through the memories, even the unpleasant ones, is so that our consciousness can keep evolving. If we think of it in terms of having a storage cabinet of space. We can not purchase an additional unit of space, we are born with what we have. We have to get rid of the memories, typically in the deep back that we don’t want to look at often so that we have more room in the forefront for joy, for love, for laughter.

Repressing the memories of sadness or anger or hurt can create some serious health problems within us. The main one being that we can become triggered by something and we don’t realize what it is. Sometimes that thing that triggers us will be a person in our lives who will say something that is exactly like the person that hurt us, the memory that you’re storing in the deep dark recesses of the cabinet. Someone randomly will say something or sound exactly like that person who caused you pain or will do a mannerism like them and whoosh -that memory comes flooding right to the forefront of your mind. You then react to it with years of anger and years of hurt because you’ve been holding on to that file back there and carrying it around from place to place for so long. The unfortunate part of this is often the person who triggered you is not the person who deserves that energy in their lives that you are now giving them.

That’s why it is so important to go through these memories and weed out the ones you no longer need to hold on to. In the world of recovery or Alcoholics Anonymous, it’s called making amends. It’s an important step in recovery to go through and weed out the memories of where you have been wronged and where you have caused harm to someone else. You don’t need to tell anybody necessarily that you’re doing this, I mean in the recovery world we do, you do tell people that you’re doing this step on your path of recovery but for the folks who are just trying to live a better life, you don’t have to inform other people. You can just process it yourself.

Finding ways for ourselves to release these memories and emotions can vary greatly by each individual. I like to do my weeding while on my yoga mat, during a series of repetitive movements. Whether that is going through several sun salutations or shapeshifting from one pose like a side stretch to then moving over to the opposite side of the body and doing the same stretch. When I’m shapeshifting or doing a repetitive sequence, I like to close my eyes and that’s when I feel like I can really process the memories. By closing my eyes I get rid of the visual distractions and I can simply feel my body and think of these memories. There is no fear that I’m gonna bump into something or someone, I know where my space is on my mat while also allowing the breath to be my constant companion. This allows us to just breathe into the body and get into that deep subconscious mind and weed out the things that are not serving us to be our best selves. And making much-needed room for more joy, more love, and more laughter in our lives.

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Raising White Boys to be Allies

Home Life, Mindfulness

These are hard times. To say it’s been an emotionally hard few months is an understatement. I am not going to pretend that I magically have the answers or some sort of insight that you haven’t already heard before. But I think it’s important to acknowledge and name the emotions that we are feeling around our own racist behaviors and the deaths of black people in this country. When we name it, we normalize it. And what you are feeling right now is valid.

My emotions have been all over the place. I’ve gone from sadness to anger to fearful of the future. My wife and I are taking the time to listen and educate ourselves more on white privilege. We are reading books, watching movies, and most importantly we learning how to apply this knowledge more into our daily lives and into my business.

We decided to do a project with our teenagers, Listen Learn Act. Each week they LISTEN to black/POC voices. That can read an article, watch a video, or listen to a podcast. In their journal, they write what they LEARN by hearing this person’s point of view. The final step is how they will ACT going forward now that they know what they learned. We are teaching them how to see and take notice of their white privilege and how to educate themselves to be a better advocate for their friends and someday coworkers. To understand that their job is to speak up, as white men it is so important that they speak up when they see or hear someone saying or doing something inappropriate to another person.

It’s been interesting to hear the voices that they are choosing to listen to from fashion designers to you-tubers to singers. And then hearing how they are going to choose to act. I pray that we are sending white men out into the world who will make a difference in society. I hope that they will lead with kindness and compassion and be more confident allies to people of color.

I hope to have more conversations about racial inequality with our teenagers and with our family members. We are choosing to donate to various organizations that support the Black Lives Matter movement and I hope you will as well. Stay open and lead with kindness!

Meditation Made Easy

Mindfulness

Sometimes we make things more complicated than they need to be. We create roadblocks for ourselves, without even realizing that we are doing it. Parameters or arbitrary rules in order to do something “correctly” or “right”.

I’ve seen this in so many of my coaching clients around healthy eating. In their minds, they tell themselves that they have to buy a certain kitchen appliance in order to eat healthier. Whether that be a new blender to make smoothies or a food processor to chop veggies. When in reality all you need is the right mindset around food. Choosing food in a more natural state rather than things wrapped in plastic and packaging and so far removed from the original. A baked potato vs a bag of baked potato chips, for example.

The same thing is true with a meditation practice. We don’t need to purchase a certain type of cushion to sit on or have a special alter in place. Of course, if you want to purchase those things for yourself as a gift that’s totally fine! But don’t, under any circumstances, think that you HAVE to have those things in order to have a meditation practice. All you have to do is be intentional with the time.

Meditation is simply sitting (or standing or walking). But right now let’s talk about seated meditation. You’ll want to be able to sit in a way that is comfortable for your body and does not cause pain. For some that is sitting cross-legged on a pillow or cushion for others it’s sitting in a chair. The posture is where our attention should be directed towards, you want to make sure that you can sit with your spine long to bring in the most oxygen into your body. When we are slumped forward or sitting with a rounded back relaxing into a sofa, we aren’t physically able to bring as much air into our lungs as we would if we were sitting straight with good posture.

The place in which you decide to sit doesn’t have magical power, it doesn’t make meditation easier and it will not get you to a place of nirvana in your mind any faster. We give physical items power, in our own mind, to believe that they have some sort of healing capability. If we were to dive a bit deeper into the “why” of this habit, I would guess that it’s a way to distract ourselves from starting something new like a meditation practice or it creates an obstacle or reasoning in your mind of why you can’t do your meditation practice because you don’t have the special seat/crystal/alter, etc. with you.

Teal chair with a small pillow. Next tothe chair is a small circular table with a plant on it and a stack of books. Above the chair is a painting that says "be bravely you"

This is a photo of where I practice my daily meditation. It’s a chair in the corner of my kitchen that faces the sliding glass door leading out into my backyard. I like the symbolism of opening my eyes from meditation and seeing nature. As you can imagine since this chair is in a communal place in the house it is not only used by me for meditation purposes only, I live with a wife and two teenagers and they sometimes sit in this chair at various times in the day or evening. My point is that you don’t need to have something solely for the use of meditation practice. Again, if you want something that is only used for your meditation practice that is fine. Personally, I prefer to live a minimalist lifestyle. Almost everything in my house needs to have more than one use or be used and enjoyed by more than one person. But the beautiful thing about meditation practice is that it can truly be done anywhere. In your kitchen, on the side of a cliff, in the driver seat of your car after you’ve parked. It is a practice that is available to you at any time. The hard part is actually setting aside the time to do it.

Start small and sit in a chair, that you already own, for two minutes every day. Set a timer and just sit with your eyes closed. Every day for one week sit at the same time each day. Allow your inner self to reveal it’s self to you. Pay special attention to how you feel, what you may have noticed about yourself. Do you feel calmer later in the day? Are you less likely to lash out or be snippy with your spouse? Once that feels comfortable in your body, increase your seated meditation to five minutes every day for one week. Think of this as a process of getting to know yourself. Your mind will not magically be a blank slate every time you close your eyes to meditate. Some days it will feel hard. Some days the five minutes will feel like an eternity and some days it will breeze by so fast. Simply sit in the seat of observation within yourself and breathe. Let go of your goal-oriented mind, there is nothing to achieve here other than sitting with your eyes closed and breathing for five minutes.

I’d love to hear where you have chosen to meditate and how it’s going for you in the comments!

Living in Uncertainty During COVID

Behind the Scenes, Small Business, Yoga

Here in Maryland, we are still living in uncertainty and it’s a hard place to be in while running a business. I’m watching what other studios are doing in other states that have lifted the Stay-at-Home orders. I’m thinking ahead of what the class schedule at Bee Yoga Fusion, my boutique yoga studio in Greenbelt, MD could look like while implementing new rules that will be put in place.

Rules that we must follow, for health and safety reasons. For example, we won’t be able to have back-to-back classes because one of the rules in the other states is that you have to disinfect the entire studio including the floors after each class. Everyone who works at Bee Yoga Fusion is an independent contractor which means those cleaning duties fall on my shoulders.

I want to be transparent with you, whether you are a yoga student at Bee Yoga Fusion or a coaching client that I meet with over zoom, I want you to understand the hard decisions I am having to make and the balls that I am juggling to keep the community thriving while also making sure that I don’t run myself into the ground.

Right now it is still uncertain when we will be allowed to open. The number of COVID cases in Prince George’s County is still rising. What I do know is that we will forever, going forward have live in-studio classes and live zoom classes. The response from folks taking zoom classes has been incredible! People have fallen in love with the convenience of being able to sign up last minute and the ability to do the class anywhere (home/office/work trip). Sure there are parts of the experience of taking a class at the studio that is missing, no doubt about that! But keeping zoom classes even after we are allowed to have classes at the studio like we use to, will be an added benefit. And I am super excited about growing this portion of the business.

Gretchen Schock standing next to a wall in the Bee Yoga Fusion studio holding a yoga mat

It’s pretty cool that you can take a class in your home or at the studio in Greenbelt while your BFF in Colorado takes the exact same class and you’ll can video chat afterward to catch up. That’s a pretty cool development in our relationships that allow us to live a much healthier life!

I’m trying to focus on the positive during a time when there doesn’t feel like a lot of positivity available. So all this is to say- I’m excited about the growth of Bee Yoga Fusion with zoom classes continuing into the future while also sitting in uncertainty.

Vegetarian For A Day

Recipes

I know that change can be hard. Change can also be scary, the unfamiliar terrain leaves you feeling hopeless or on edge. But the way that we can expand our consciousness and go further into our yoga practice is to change, to shift, to see things from a different perspective. So for one day during this global pandemic I’m asking that you eat vegetarian or vegan.

Just one day.

In our minds we create stories about people based on their occupation, the way they dress, where they are grew up. Some might assume because I am a yoga instructor that I am a vegetarian and that’s actually so far from the truth. I eat meat. I enjoy eating meat. I tried being a vegetarian for many, many years and it didn’t work for my body. That being said it does work for a lot of people.

I want you to get in touch with your food. To think beyond your normal and experience it in a different, new way. And also to expand your consciousness of what a meal could look like, the meal doesn’t have to have meat in order for you to consume a protein. There are some really great alternatives that are plant-based proteins that you could try every once in a while.

Ramen and tofu vegetarian dish

Here is a very tasty recipe that is also super simple and easy to get on the table for dinner on a weeknight. This recipe serves 3-4 people. (I’ve included links for ease, I do not get anything from you purchasing it.) 

Begin by cutting the tofu in half, we will only use half of the block. Cut the tofu into small 1/2 inch cubes. Place the tofu, half of the edamame bag, and the chopped broccoli in a skillet with oil to saute, I like to use Avacado oil, stirring occasionally and then cover. It won’t take long for these items to be done so stay nearby. Once the tofu is slightly browned add the cilantro and the Path of Life frozen packet to the skillet, stir, and cover. If you’d like to add additional spices now would be the time. The Path of Life packet is seasoned but I personally added pepper and onion powder, just because.  

Boil water to cook the ramon noodles. We are only going to use the noddles so go ahead and throw that spice packet that it comes with in the trash. Cook the noodles until they are soft to taste. Drain but leave a small amount of hot water in the pot so that it looks more like a soup.

Scoop out noodles and place in the bowls, pour some of the hot water into each bowl. Scoop out the veggies from the skillet and place directly on top of the noodles in each bowl.
Dinner is served!

Anchoring to this Moment

Coaching

When we teach children to swim we tell them that when they get tired and they don’t think they can swim any longer to flip over on their back and float. As adults, we aren’t ever taught what to do when things get hard and we don’t think that we can go on.

Child laying on their back and swimming in a pool

2017 was a very hard year for me, a year where I was in a fetal position crying on the floor on more than one occasion. That year my mother was fighting breast cancer and my sister and I were leading her care, my wife and I were trying to adopt a little boy from foster care and I was dealing with harassment from a yoga student at my studio.

Each of those events in my life involved time and emotional turmoil. My mom got an infection that required hospitalization, the little boy that said he wanted to be in our family was having second thoughts and raging his anger in my direction both verbally and physically, and the harassment situation involved lawyers, meeting with the chief of police about getting a restraining order and made me look at the world a bit differently. I was pulled thin in so many directions. On several days after dropping the foster child off at the school across the street from our house, I would close the front door and crumble to the floor and cry for hours. I’d lay there in our narrow entryway in fetal position and sob, my whole body would shake and the tears and snot would form a puddle staining the old wood floor. No one ever saw my breakdowns. I never advertised how difficult of a time I was having holding all the pieces of my life together. I pretended that I could handle it when I really wasn’t.

I knew this kind of darkness though. I’ve been here before, at a different time in my life, but I was familiar with these feelings of loss and desperation. In those moments of darkness, I know that I need an anchor, something to hold on to that will just keep me at that moment until I can get to my therapy appointment or until a solution presents itself. Something that won’t allow me to sink deeper into the dark hole of depression but will keep me present in my life and sober.

Notice I didn’t say that the anchor will make me “happy” or will completely shift the way I am feeling to an opposite feeling. Anchors are to hold you in the space that you are. I don’t have an illusion that there is a magic wand that could totally alter what I am experiencing and magically flip it to something good. The reality is that I need something to hold me in this space so that I don’t sink deeper. Crumbling on the floor crying for a few hours is very different from laying in bed under the covers with the curtains drawn for days, two very different experiences of sadness, and depression.

Brandi Carlile’s music has been and forever will be my anchor, her voice is the reminder that I need to flip over and float here for a while to just be in this moment. It won’t last forever and soon enough it will pass. What could your anchor be? Right now we are living in a pandemic and many people feel at a loss, many people are crumbling on the floor crying and some may be under the covers with the curtains drawn. What could you use to hold you at this moment so that you don’t sink further?

We are just holding, we aren’t pretending that we see the rainbow but we are acknowledging that we can see the sky if we just hold here for a little while. Anchors allow us to stay just as we are until the emotions pass and we have moved through that energy.

Anchors can be a routine that you do daily. Anchors can be music that you listen to, to remind you of moving forward. A movie that you love or a tv series. A hike on a favorite trail. A bike ride to a particular destination. Anchors can be honestly anything but it’s important that your anchor always be the same thing or activity. That way your body and mind know and can recognize what it is and the tool it is used for when you are falling into the well of darkness. Anchors should not be pouring the third glass of wine or eating the entire bag of Oreos! Those activities are not anchors, they are numbing you not to feel. Take a moment and think about it, start building your toolbox so that you can rely on those tools when you need them. Share in the comments what you play to use as your anchor, I’d love to hear them!