Gretchen Schock

How to Stop Avoiding Hard Things

Are you avoiding working out? Or perhaps a complicated conversation with a friend or loved one?

You’ve written it down on your to-do list so many times. You have cleaned your entire house to avoid doing it. But why? Have you convinced yourself during the avoiding stage that it’s too hard or that you must do x, y, and z before starting? Have you made up a scenario in your head that the thing can’t be completed without first cleaning the sink, clearing out the closet, or designing the perfect workspace to do the job on the computer?

I want to remind you that you have done hard things before and can do them again. Let’s stop avoiding! The stress of avoiding something creates tension and disease in your body. And you don’t want that! Think about this, writing the task down day after day on your to-do list eventually takes more time than doing the thing in the first place.

Let’s tackle the challenging thing head-on. I know that you can do this!

First, write down the goal.

Then make a bullet list of everything that would need to be done to complete that goal, be honest.

Now tackle one of those bullet points right now without overthinking it.

Often our goals are too lofty and focused on the end game or the result. But when we narrow our view to smaller steps to complete the goal, we will find that we are more successful. Being able to cross items off as completed makes us feel good! The result of completing that small task gives us a dopamine hit to our brain, making us feel good about ourselves. That chemical our body creates motivates us, and we continue to towards the direction of change.

I want to hear what your goals are; please share in the comments.

What do you need?

Coaching, Mindfulness

Like you, I struggle with asking for help.

Loving people in your life approach during hard times and not-so-hard times and ask, “what do you need?” They want to help, and the intentions are good. But at that moment, you don’t have any idea what you need, you are putting one foot in front of the other. You are in survival mode.

Just as we wouldn’t expect someone to run a marathon without training. We shouldn’t expect ourselves to understand our own needs without practice. I tell my yoga students to listen to their bodies on their mats. Your body tells you in subtle ways what it needs, but only when we listen and pull away from the ego or the Negative Nelly that lives in our heads. It’s then when we are in the present moment with the flow of the yoga class, that we have truly heard the body’s needs. Go deeper, take it slower, and hold that stretch a beat longer.

We practice listening to our bodies on our mats so that we can understand how to listen to our needs off of the mat. It’s then, when we identify for ourselves what we need, that we can see the gifts that present themselves around us. Each individual has a gift to share, something that they are naturally good at doing and doesn’t require much effort for them. When we know what we need, we can then seek help from the people who have those gifts or knowledge.

For example, if you need to vent and get things off your chest. Maybe your husband, who goes into fix-it-mode every time you have a struggle, isn’t the person you should confide in to vent. Seek a friend who is amazing at listening and holding space for you.

An example from my own life, we are six weeks away from launching my oldest kid into college. I am knee-deep in buying stuff for him, toiletries that he can’t take from home because his younger sibling will still need to use them (nail clippers, water bottle spray from hair, etc.), and items for his dorm room so that it doesn’t look like a concrete cell.

I’m also processing my own grief, anxiety, and excitement for him. So reaching out to friends who have younger kids isn’t going to serve me well. This stage of life isn’t on their radar yet. Yes, they could listen and hold space for me, but they wouldn’t be able to offer me advice on what not to buy or how to navigate parenting a young adult. Seeking advice from veteran parents who have college-aged kids is who I should make connections with. Parents who understand this type of sadness and trepidation. They have a gift of experience, of traveling that road that they would be willing to share with someone like me.

The first step is to identify what it is that you need. Do you need physical space, time to process, or connection with like-minded people? What do you need to get through this period of time or experience? It’s important to understand your own needs so that you can trust the decisions that you make and seek help from the people who have the gifts available to you.

So….what do you need?

The dressing that does it all – Sesame Ginger

Recipes

It’s hard to find a dressing that will appease a group or won’t overpower the natural flavors of the food.

One of my main concerns during the summer months is that the dish I make to bring to a cookout doesn’t have to have to be refrigerated, including the dressing.

Sesame Ginger is my go-to summer month dressing!

I use it on salads, of course. But I also use it to marinate tofu, and then I toss it in with the pasta and sauteed vegetables to make a delicious summer pasta salad that doesn’t need to be kept cool.

Ingredients:

2 Tablespoons Orange Juice
2 Tablespoons Water
1/4 cup organic rice vinegar
2 Tablespoon sesame oil
1 ½ Tablespoons ginger paste
1 Tablespoon soy sauce
Juice from 1 lime

Whisk together and drizzle over tofu or seafood and one box of pasta with sautéed vegetables. Double this recipe if you need two meals.

This dressing is vegan, gluten-free, paleo, and whole 30-friendly.

What has the biggest impact on your health?

Coaching, Wellness

The best thing you can do for your body and health is to drink more water!

If you are trying to withstand from alcohol for a month, similar to a Dry January challenge. The best way to get through the sluggish feeling that naturally happens when we change our habits around consumption is to hydrate with water. Added bonus- it’s cheap!

Take your weight and pretend it’s ounces, and then divide it in half. That’s how many ounces of water you should be consuming every day. For example, if you weigh 150 pounds. We would remove the “pounds” and say 150 ounces, divided in half is 75 ounces daily. That’s basically five plastic water bottles a day. However, I encourage you to use a reusable water bottle.

gretchen schock drinking ice filled water

I like throwing some mint leaves into my ice-filled water during the summer. I also find that if I drink water with a straw, I will consume more water throughout the day.

What is your favorite way to enjoy drinking water during the summer?

The Power of a Hug

Coaching, Parenting, Wellness

Knowing how to calm your nervous system in moments of overwhelm or overstimulation is extremely important to regulate your mood and maintain a sense of inner calm.

Last weekend, we had a large party to celebrate my oldest son’s high school graduation. I loved everyone who came, and I was excited to have them all in our home and gardens. But at times, it felt like a lot of emotions and energy to absorb.

The picture is of me hugging my two teenagers. We’ve done this for years. Originally it was our response when my older son Logan, who is on the autism spectrum, became overstimulated. We’d form this hug of protection around him. The pressure of the hug on the body sends signals to the brain to calm down, telling the nervous system that everything is okay. We call it a “family sandwich.” But now, I find great comfort in reaching for them and holding them in a squeeze when I need to regulate my own emotions.

Why?

Because when we are engaging in a hug, a chemical in our bodies called oxytocin is released. This hormone is associated with happiness and less stress. It is often referred to as the “cuddle hormone.” A hug from a loved one gives us a sense of safety, comfort, and empathy. It has a powerful effect on our mental health by reducing stress, our physical health by boosting our immune system, and our emotional health by combating feelings of anxiety and loneliness.

When the world feels unsettling and overwhelming, try reaching for a hug from someone you love. Then, hold the hug for at least 30 seconds and breathe.

What are your values?

Coaching, Mindfulness

Last month in the Refocus On Wellness group, we talked about values. I had the folks attending choose three values from the list I displayed on the screen and write their own definition of that value.

Here is the list that we used:

The purpose of this exercise is to live more intentionally and to filter our decisions and actions through those values to live with personal integrity. Studies have shown that affirming our values can lower our perception of stress and help keep us on track and aligned with our goals.

I often share my own choices with the group because I believe that vulnerability is what makes me a good leader. So the value I chose is honesty.

Honesty, to me, is about being vulnerable and transparent. And it’s a word that speaks to both my personal and my professional life. For example, I recently had a conversation with my teenagers after a disagreement that I had with my ex-husband. I am no longer shielding them from the co-parenting struggles because I believe they are old enough to understand and see the truth for themselves.

As for my professional life, it’s time that I am honest with my Bee Yoga Fusion community. 2020 was a challenging year for many people, but 2021 was even more difficult for small businesses. For the past six months, I have been running my business with my hands over my eyes. I did not want to see the numbers on my spreadsheet. But, having to get all my documents together to do my taxes forced me to finally look and see that Bee Yoga Fusion took an enormous loss in 2021. It was the first year BYF reported a loss in the twelves years that I have been in business, but it doesn’t feel good to see that large red number reminding me that we are still pivoting through a pandemic. So going forward I will be filtering my messages through the value of honesty.

If you are interested in joining the monthly conversation within Refocus on Wellness, you can sign up here; you will engage in thought-provoking discussions and receive access to exclusive on-demand yoga classes.