Wellness

Ease into Healthy Eating

From October until now, I have been nursing an appendix issue. I have not been able to exercise the way that I normally would. I want to be really honest with you. I have been eating my feelings: the worry, the anxiety, the stress. I knew what I was doing when I was doing it. All of my other vices are gone, and so I fell on the remaining and easy one- too much eating!

(PS- Those vices I’m referring to, for those that don’t know, I’ve been sober for ten years.) To get you up to speed on the appendix- check out this post. It ruptured, but surgery didn’t happen until five months later.

Weight gain is a tricky ride for me because I’m wearing legging most days, teaching yoga and fitness classes, so I can’t hide in my clothing. And I know that people look up to me as an example of healthy living. But rather than falling into my common response of self-deprecating behaviors due to my body dysmorphia over the weight gain. Or jumping into a new diet or cleanse. Instead, I bought a bigger size of clothing. Yes, I now own these same pants in two sizes.

This isn’t a plea for “you look great” comments. Because I know I look great. I also know that an additional fifteen pounds doesn’t define my worth. It doesn’t diminish my value to my relationships, community, or clients. This post is to remind YOU of that.

Life happens! People get sick, and something stressful takes place that throws you off your plan of eating healthy and working out. And rather than diving headfirst into a marketing gimmick that promises fast results, instead, fall into a surrender of reframing it in your mind.

It took me five months to put on fifteen pounds. It’s going to take five months to take it off! Magic wand results only happen with a scalpel. Remember that!

So buy the next size up in clothing.
Feel confident in the clothing that you are wearing on the body that you are toting around. Don’t wait until you reach some magic number on the scale. That number doesn’t represent who you are, nor is it truly motivating for lasting change.

So what am I doing? Well, per the doctor’s instructions, I’m still not allowed to do anything but walk. So I’m walking. I’m also eating more salads and vegetables and drinking water. Once I get the okay from the doctor, I’ll slowly increase my fitness regime. But the real work is happening internally. I’m giving myself grace. And I’m reminding myself to ease back in.

I hope this message reaches the person that needs to hear it. Give yourself grace! Eat more veggies, move your body more today than you did yesterday, and drink half of your weight in ounces of water. (If you weigh 150 lbs, drink 75 ounces of water a day) Ease into the changes that you know will make you healthier going forward. I believe in you!

How to Practice Intentional Listening

Coaching, Habit Change, Mindfulness, Wellness, Yoga

A common theme I talk about in my yoga classes is using the time you are spending on your yoga mat to take an inventory of your body.

To intentionally listen to what the body is telling you in each pose. Rather than focusing on the loud, constantly judging voice in your head evaluating whether you are doing this pose “right,” instead listening to the deeper story that the body is trying to tell you.

Is there a tightness there in my hip? Or does the shoulder actually feel good when I do that movement even though I’ve never moved it like that before? Take in the data without an emotional attachment to it. Without an opinion or judgment, use the time on your yoga mat as a way to take in the information.

When we begin to train ourselves to listen to the body, we can hear the cues before the injury happens, and we can hear things in the body before it becomes a full-blown issue. When the sore wrist is just a sore wrist and before it becomes wearing a brace and having carpel tunnel. Or that slight pull in the shoulder every time you over-extend the arms, listening to that feeling before it becomes a full rotator cuff situation. Of course, injuries happen sporadically. But often, the body is telling us something subtly first, and we have chosen to ignore it.

Once we become masters of intentionally listening to the body, we can take that knowledge off the mat and use it to intentionally listen to our spouse, co-workers, and friends.

A very simple example that I have witnessed with several of my coaching couples is asking someone in your family to take out the trash. The response is often a, “I’ll get to it…I’ll get to it in a minute”. And then what happens next is that the person forgets. They aren’t being malicious. They genuinely have forgotten because they were preoccupied when asked and something in their lives has a higher priority. So then, what happens? I think you know the answer. The original asker has to ask again. Guess what? The response is the same, “I’ll get to it”…

By the third time that the original asker has to ask, the simple task of taking out the trash has turned into a fight. Voices have escalated to yelling in the middle of the kitchen, and suddenly it turns into all the other times that you didn’t support her, didn’t follow through, and didn’t answer an important question.

It has suddenly become this mountain of a problem. And maybe it’s here when you think to yourself, “If I just took out the trash the first time I was asked, I could have avoided that huge blow-up!”

And you are partially correct. The feelings the person is experiencing are real. I’m not saying that the issues that are brought up in the moment of the fight aren’t going to be addressed later because it’s clear that those topics and feelings need to be talked through. But it isn’t ideal to yell or getting to the point of escalated emotions fueled by the trash not being taken out. This conversation should happen over dinner or as you lay in bed. Ideally, in a tone of voice that is in neutral volume rather than that higher pitch of frustration or that deeper growl of resentment.

Listening to those small cues that the people we love express to us, when they tell us what is important to them, we must listen and not assume. For example, when they ask us to take out the trash, we need to both understand their desire and together come to a compromise on the timeline of when it will happen. The important part is that they know we will do it. We may not stop what we are doing right at that moment, but within the next few hours, we will take it out without being asked again. Something so simple, having a conversation about trash and tuning into those subtle cues of frustration from our spouse is the way that we can support and love the other person, showing that we value them.

Again, we can begin the journey of intentional listening by learning to listen to the body. When we become experts on our bodies, we can take that how-to knowledge off our mats and apply it to our lives.

Learning to listen in a world where there is a lot of noise takes time, so be gentle with yourself. The loud voices of the people on Tic-Tok or Instagram create clutter in our heads. It’s time to tune them out, put down the phone and have deeper conversations of connection with the people we love. It’s essential for our relationships to listen to the subtitles of the people we care about, those in our inner circle, and commit to being more mindful in our relationships.

Conversation Starters to Create Community in a Post-Pandemic World

Coaching, Mindfulness, Wellness

As we emerge from the pandemic, hosting and attending parties is even harder than before.

Gathering together is essential for our mental and emotional health. We are social beings, yes, even introverts! Gathering together provides a sense of belonging and social connectedness, which is important for our mood and energy levels. Whether we are the host or the guest this holiday season, building community is vital.

As we enter the month of December, our holiday calendars are beginning to fill up with work parties, neighborhood get-togethers, and family dinners. And we shouldn’t rely on the party’s host to do all the work. As guests, we can help set the stage and make others feel more at ease.

Some people are just now emerging into the world more comfortably. They are eating at restaurants again, going to indoor classes, and gathering with people outside the family and friends they have previously deemed “safe.” Their reasons for -why now- vary greatly, but honestly, the reasons aren’t necessary. Everyone has to move at their own pace. And as a society, in general, we need to be more empathic. So let’s dig deep to accept that some people need additional time to feel more at ease, whether post-pandemic or at a holiday party. And that’s okay!

Even if you tend to lean towards social anxiety, claim to be an introvert, or feel shy in social situations, there are ways that you can help to create a community without having to exert a lot of effort. For example, a small gesture like offering a smile to a person you notice who may feel the same way as you do goes a long way!

I like to rehearse questions I could ask people before going to the gathering. I bore of the “what do you do for work” type of conversations. I live in the Washington DC area; it seems like everyone is a contractor for the government or works for a non-profit and speaks in acronyms that I don’t understand.

When people aren’t talking about their work, they sometimes talk at great length about how amazing their kids are, another topic I find exhausting to listen to or pretend excitement about. It’s also an isolating topic for adults who don’t have children. Unfortunately, when people are at a loss on what to talk about, more times than I’d like to count, they will begin to complain about something, the weather, traffic, or God-forbid politics.

During the “what do you do for work” conversations, I have noticed that people’s physicality changes. They armor up, their arms cross over their chest, and their chin lifts; the voice becomes deeper, louder, or suddenly the tempo of their speech pattern becomes faster. The way the person talks about their job with this physicality shift is to make what they do sound impressive or important. But it doesn’t promote connectedness.

Instead, we are all posturing and trying to impress each other but doing this creates the opposite outcome we want to achieve. We need to do the reverse of armoring up. Instead, we need to peel back the layers a bit. That doesn’t mean the holiday party becomes a therapy session! But it does mean that we need to be more intentional about our conversations so that we can truly get to know the person better. You or I are not summed up by our jobs or the achievements of our children.

To avoid uncomfortable moments of silence with strangers, I like to come up with questions that move beyond work, or how awesome your kid is, or complaining conversations to dive deeper into getting to know the person. Questions that don’t make me or them feel like we have to pretend to be someone other than who we are. I’ve found that these starter questions level the playing field, so to speak, regardless of social economic factors.

Here are some of my favorites:

Have you picked up any new hobbies?
Have you always lived in this area?
How do you know (the host)?
What is your favorite place to visit?
What is bringing you joy this week?
What is your favorite holiday?
Most memorable vacation- go!

Bee Yoga Fusion

At my yoga studio, students who are regulars become accustomed to my somewhat random questions to get conversations started before class begins. Or my observations about duplicate names in the room or when people arrive wearing the same clothes color. In this picture, these two women arrived at class wearing the same shirt, and I exclaimed, “we have to take a picture on the bee wall- ya’ll match!” They both laughed and happily agreed. The best part of this moment was afterward when they introduced themselves to each other. You’d never know by the smiles on their faces that they are complete strangers!

Moments like these happen because I take the time to create community; it’s not about me or any of the instructors at the studio. It’s about the people who are here and sharing space. And the same holds true for your holiday party. It’s not about the house size, food, or decor. It’s how you make people feel who come into your home or sit next to you at the restaurant where the holiday gathering is taking place. Whether the host or the guest, we can do our part to create community by being intentional with our goal of getting to know the person we are experiencing in real life. We don’t need to commit to having a forever relationship with them, but we can make the most of the next hour together!

Changing Your Mind Isn’t Failure

Habit Change, Mindfulness, Minimalism, Wellness

I had every intention not to purchase any clothes in 2022, and I stated it publically.

The reasons why I wanted to do this were personal; no one was forcing me to do it, nor was it for financial reasons. I also wasn’t doing it to gain any attention. But I’m sure you already know that when you speak something out loud to other people, it gains momentum within yourself, and you are more inspired to continue for the simple reason that someone else knows what you are wanting to do.

I wouldn’t identify as someone who has a shopping problem. Each season, all of my clothes fit into a 4-foot wide by 2-foot depth closet. I haven’t spilled over into anyone else’s closets in our house, nor am I busting out of my own. I store two Rubbermaid bins in the attic and swap out seasonal items, but otherwise, I don’t feel like I have an excess.

I wanted to challenge myself to see how long I could go without purchasing clothes. Guess what? It wasn’t long before I caved and bought something.

I told myself many times throughout the year that I “needed” the item. And sometimes I did, whether because I gained weight or because I didn’t have something appropriate to wear to an event. But I didn’t “need” every item I purchased, and a few I regretted after the first time wearing it. What I learned along the way has been quite eye-opening, and I blogged about that here.

Other people’s reactions to the journey of my challenge has been even more interesting. People have asked me somewhat snarkily, “how does it feel to fail publically?” The thing is, I don’t consider it a failure because I learned so much this year about my spending habits but also, and most importantly, about my personal style. Learning what I like and don’t like, what colors look good with my skin tone, and the shapes of clothing and how it changes the perception of the actual shape of my body, etc. So yes, I spent money, and I didn’t complete what I had set out to do, but I’m okay with that. And you should be too!

Life happens! We may say that we are going to do one thing and have every intention to do that, but then something in our life changes, whether that be because our circumstances have changed or because we changed our minds. We didn’t know when making the goal how stress, sickness, or life changes were going to shift our radar. But it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t set goals or challenge ourselves.

More importantly, I worry about how people latch on to the word- failure. Trying, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and learning is not a failure! When I was divorcing my ex-husband, I remember crying in a therapy appointment about feeling as though I failed at my marriage. My therapist clarified to me that divorce is not a failure. It’s two people moving in different directions. Similarly, when we set out to create a habit change at the beginning of the year, failure isn’t what we call trying, doing your best, and possibly changing your mind because what you thought would be a good idea turns out isn’t possible for you to complete this year. That’s okay! That is not failure.

Some may argue that the people who comment about your completion of a goal are just trying to hold you accountable. If you have someone in your life making you feel bad for not following through with what you said you would at the beginning of the year, that’s not accountability. That’s judgment! The best response is to be clear that you won’t tolerate that negativity, reminding them that you were doing this for yourself, maybe even for fun. And people judging your results is not motivating for anyone.

Maybe you are already thinking about a different goal for 2023. And I want to support you on that journey. Consider me your cheerleading squad! Share in the comments what you plan to focus on in 2023, and let’s hold each other up with love and support. And please join us in the virtual Refocus on Wellness group that meets on the first Monday of the month at 7 pm. We focus on living our best lives and supporting each other’s goals for a better future.

How I Took Charge of My Health and Healed My Endometriosis

Wellness

I wanted to be a mom my whole life. As a little girl, my most precious toys were my dolls. I knew how to sling a baby on my hip before any of my friends, and it wasn’t because I had younger siblings. I was the youngest in our family. My desire to be around children meant that I volunteered in the church nursery in elementary school, and then naturally, babysitting was my first job.

Unfortunately, I suffered from endometriosis, which is quite painful and resulted in many hospital stays and laparoscopic surgeries. In my mid-twenties, after having another cyst lasered off, my doctor said my uterus looked like someone who had already had five kids with the amount of scar tissue from cysts. I got a second opinion; the same story. Both doctors said my chance of having kids was slim. I was heartbroken.

“During a woman’s regular menstrual cycle, this tissue builds up and is shed if she does not become pregnant. Women with endometriosis develop tissue that looks and acts like endometrial tissue outside of the uterus, usually on other reproductive organs inside the pelvis or in the abdominal cavity. Each month, this misplaced tissue responds to the hormonal changes of the menstrual cycle by building up and breaking down just as the endometrium does, resulting in small bleeding inside of the pelvis. This leads to inflammation, swelling and scarring of the normal tissue surrounding the endometriosis implants. When the ovary is involved, blood can become embedded in the normal ovarian tissue, forming a “blood blister” surrounded by a fibrous cyst, called an endometrioma.” https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/endometriosis

I then found a doctor who talked to me about the effects of stress on the body, my diet, and how food and alcohol can affect my fertility and the chances of having a baby. This doctor was the first medical professional that talked to me about holistic changes and looked at me as a whole person. I immediately altered what I ate, reduced my alcohol consumption, and I started going to talk therapy and taking yoga classes several times a week. As a result, I lost weight, emotionally felt more regulated, and I felt in charge of my health for the first time. And before anticipated, I was pregnant.

This “diet” that the doctor suggested was honestly not anything special or hard to follow. I stopped eating processed foods, which meant no fast food. I increased my vegetable intake, only ate organic, and ate animal protein and carbohydrates appropriate for my body size. I ate food that tasted good and that I liked to eat. It wasn’t rocket science, but it did take planning and preparing. And it also took the determination within me to change my habits.

The food we put into our bodies can cure us and protect us from ailments. But I also believe in medicine. I think the two should go hand in hand. Doctors can and should prescribe medication that will help the person heal, but it’s also essential to make some lifestyle changes. Consulting a health coach to discuss your diet, movement, and habit change should be the next step after working with your medical professional. Beginning a meditation practice to reduce stress and lower blood pressure is always helpful regardless of your diagnosis. Keep in mind that we aren’t cured by simply taking a pill.

For me, my kids are my proof that when faced with uncertainty- nutrition, movement, and letting go of things that cause me stress are my resource. I’d love to help you make a lifestyle change. If you think we would be a good fit for each other, let’s jump on a complimentary call and discuss some small changes you can make in your life to improve your quality of living. I believe you can do it, and I’d like to help you on your journey.

Self-care Isn’t Social Media

Coaching, Mindfulness, Wellness

Self-care can look like many different things- taking care of your body, making a healthy meal, doing a craft project, or reading a book. What it’s not- scrolling social media on your phone.

Many people feel an increase in anxiety, depression, and agitation after spending time on social media. So why do we continue to use it? Social media platforms are designed to be addictive. All the likes, comments, and shares reinforce addictive tendencies. It activates the brain’s reward center by giving you a dopamine hit, a “feel good chemical” linked to pleasure.

Like all things, there needs to be a balance. Deleting your accounts is not the answer! Just as restricting your diet and never eating a piece of cake is not a healthy balance for your life. Birthdays happen, the cake will be eaten, and pictures will be posted for friends and family to see them. If we restrict ourselves to an extreme, then when it’s reintroduced, people often binge on it. Just like food, people binge on social media after reactivating their accounts. Social media has its place in our lives, but if we spend more than an hour a day on it, we must reevaluate our use.

How else could you spend your time? Maybe read a book, pick up a craft project that you used to love doing, chop vegetables so that you make healthy food choices, call a friend, or spend time in your garden. Continue to observe your habits and feelings when using social media platforms. And remember to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally by engaging in the world around you.