life coaching

Taking the Leap in Life Decisions

Not many people are impulsive or leap without having the proper support in place. If, for example, you were planning on going sky diving, you would first take a lesson before jumping out of a plane. You would learn how to meticulously pack your parachute and understand the plan of where you will jump to land in a particular area for a myriad of reasons why.

The same thing is true when making life decisions. Whether it is deciding to adopt or have a child, changing careers, or retiring. There is often a long process of thinking about it, planning, reflecting upon the pros and cons that all happen in the background without many people knowing about it.

In my previous marriage, I was very unhappy. We had two small children and it became apparent that my dreams and ambitions would forever take a backseat to my then-husband’s goals. We weren’t on equal footing, to put it kindly. At the time we were living in Seattle, WA which was far from my family. I knew we were headed for divorce and there was no way I was going to get divorced and be stranded with him on the west coast without my family nearby. So I convinced him to move back to the east coast, and the relationship continued to deteriorate. I moved into a separate bedroom within the house we shared for a year because we couldn’t afford to live apart. We swapped kid duties and tried to figure out our finances. Then when I was able to, I moved out. In Maryland, you have to live apart for a year in separate residences before getting a divorce.

To an outsider looking in, it may seem as though I got divorced and quickly remarried. What you couldn’t see was the amount of time taken to evaluate the decision, and the hours of therapy and self-reflection that took place over the course of three years.

As I mentioned, people don’t often leap into a major change. There is so much that we can’t see under the surface that is taking place in the person’s head and heart. So the next time you catch yourself passing judgment on someone else because you think they are going too fast, take a moment to reflect on what you couldn’t see. Ask questions and be open to accepting that this person probably took a lot of time to think about their decision.

And the same thing is true for you. If you find yourself at a time in your life when you are weighing the pros and cons of a big decision, it’s important to take the time to reflect within yourself. Whether that is during meditation, coaching, or therapy. And then there needs to be a point at which you reach out and include the people you love in your ideas. Allow them the opportunity to see your dreams and goals for the future. The bonus is, that it might mean that you could avoid receiving messages saying you are impulsive or not thinking clearly when you include them in your process. You don’t have to go at it alone but at the same time, there needs to be a balance of self-reflection, professional coaching, and support from the people closest to you.

And when the time is right, when you have your resources in place, that is when you leap!

Mindful Consumption Helps Your Mental Health

Mindfulness

Being mindful of our consumption is thinking beyond the food we put into our bodies and looking beyond the purchases we make for our home. Conscious consumption extends into the books we read, the shows we watch, and the people we spend our free time with outside our work environments.

We consume data, emotions, and energy daily. And rather than continually feeling reactive to whatever happens to appear in front of you, what if you felt as though you were more in control of what you energetically consumed and how you felt at the end of the day?

We all know that we need to have a balanced diet; some of us are better at it than others. None of us eat from one category in the food pyramid. Regardless of your diet, I’m going to bet money that you don’t just eat protein. You also eat vegetables and carbohydrates, and maybe some fruit. We put so much mental energy into preparing and planning our diets or the food we eat but not any or as much energy on choosing to be mindful of what else is energetically coming into our lives.

Similar to how we have variety in our diets, let’s focus on creating more diversity in the activities and the things we choose to consume. It doesn’t have to be a super huge shift either. We aren’t overhauling our whole lives! I’m talking about making small changes. Rather than consistently reading books of the thriller genre, change it up next time and read a Young Adult book, something lighter and creating less work for your brain to process. Rather than watching CNN, what if you watched a different news channel like my personal favorite, NHK World Japan? The brain is processing the visuals in front of you, and CNN tends to be in bright colors. And the content is often anxiety-producing news commentary.

On the other hand, NHK World Japan has a variety of programming, and often the colors presented are a nice neutral, calm color. Rather than going to Crossfit, what if you tried a yoga class and moved your body differently this week? Or, instead of meeting the friend that always brings you down by sabotaging the conversation and complaining about her ex-husband, what if you drove a bit farther to see the friend that makes your spirit lift and honestly gives the best hugs?

Gretchen Schock hugging a student at Bee Yoga Fusion

When you are more mindful of what you are consuming beyond the food you put in your mouth but the books you read, the TV shows you watch, or the people you follow on social media, you’ll notice how those other things have a significant influence on your mental health. For example, watching shows or reading books with a psychological thriller aspect to them, like Law & Order SVU, in the evening raises our blood pressure while watching the show. Though we aren’t the ones being attacked and hidden in a basement, our body is naturally reacting to that data as though it might be in danger too. It’s no wonder we then struggle with going to sleep! Our body needs time to wind down from that elevated blood pressure and mild anxiety. This is why it’s important to be more mindful of what we consume; it affects our mental health and mood.

This week, try to be mindful of all aspects of your consumption. Simply notice it. What are you bringing into your life, your mind, your heart? What are you taking in? And then ask yourself, could I choose differently? Would there be a healthier choice for me to make right now in this season of my life? For example, would it be better for my mental health to watch a comedy show when life feels overwhelming and I’m struggling with burnout? Would I feel less stressed if I skipped lunch with the old coworkers and instead focused on creating new relationships in this new job? There are so many small shifts that you can make that are easy to do that will considerably impact your mental state of being. It’s as easy as changing the channel on the TV.

How I Took Charge of My Health and Healed My Endometriosis

Wellness

I wanted to be a mom my whole life. As a little girl, my most precious toys were my dolls. I knew how to sling a baby on my hip before any of my friends, and it wasn’t because I had younger siblings. I was the youngest in our family. My desire to be around children meant that I volunteered in the church nursery in elementary school, and then naturally, babysitting was my first job.

Unfortunately, I suffered from endometriosis, which is quite painful and resulted in many hospital stays and laparoscopic surgeries. In my mid-twenties, after having another cyst lasered off, my doctor said my uterus looked like someone who had already had five kids with the amount of scar tissue from cysts. I got a second opinion; the same story. Both doctors said my chance of having kids was slim. I was heartbroken.

“During a woman’s regular menstrual cycle, this tissue builds up and is shed if she does not become pregnant. Women with endometriosis develop tissue that looks and acts like endometrial tissue outside of the uterus, usually on other reproductive organs inside the pelvis or in the abdominal cavity. Each month, this misplaced tissue responds to the hormonal changes of the menstrual cycle by building up and breaking down just as the endometrium does, resulting in small bleeding inside of the pelvis. This leads to inflammation, swelling and scarring of the normal tissue surrounding the endometriosis implants. When the ovary is involved, blood can become embedded in the normal ovarian tissue, forming a “blood blister” surrounded by a fibrous cyst, called an endometrioma.” https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/endometriosis

I then found a doctor who talked to me about the effects of stress on the body, my diet, and how food and alcohol can affect my fertility and the chances of having a baby. This doctor was the first medical professional that talked to me about holistic changes and looked at me as a whole person. I immediately altered what I ate, reduced my alcohol consumption, and I started going to talk therapy and taking yoga classes several times a week. As a result, I lost weight, emotionally felt more regulated, and I felt in charge of my health for the first time. And before anticipated, I was pregnant.

This “diet” that the doctor suggested was honestly not anything special or hard to follow. I stopped eating processed foods, which meant no fast food. I increased my vegetable intake, only ate organic, and ate animal protein and carbohydrates appropriate for my body size. I ate food that tasted good and that I liked to eat. It wasn’t rocket science, but it did take planning and preparing. And it also took the determination within me to change my habits.

The food we put into our bodies can cure us and protect us from ailments. But I also believe in medicine. I think the two should go hand in hand. Doctors can and should prescribe medication that will help the person heal, but it’s also essential to make some lifestyle changes. Consulting a health coach to discuss your diet, movement, and habit change should be the next step after working with your medical professional. Beginning a meditation practice to reduce stress and lower blood pressure is always helpful regardless of your diagnosis. Keep in mind that we aren’t cured by simply taking a pill.

For me, my kids are my proof that when faced with uncertainty- nutrition, movement, and letting go of things that cause me stress are my resource. I’d love to help you make a lifestyle change. If you think we would be a good fit for each other, let’s jump on a complimentary call and discuss some small changes you can make in your life to improve your quality of living. I believe you can do it, and I’d like to help you on your journey.

Self-care Isn’t Social Media

Coaching, Mindfulness, Wellness

Self-care can look like many different things- taking care of your body, making a healthy meal, doing a craft project, or reading a book. What it’s not- scrolling social media on your phone.

Many people feel an increase in anxiety, depression, and agitation after spending time on social media. So why do we continue to use it? Social media platforms are designed to be addictive. All the likes, comments, and shares reinforce addictive tendencies. It activates the brain’s reward center by giving you a dopamine hit, a “feel good chemical” linked to pleasure.

Like all things, there needs to be a balance. Deleting your accounts is not the answer! Just as restricting your diet and never eating a piece of cake is not a healthy balance for your life. Birthdays happen, the cake will be eaten, and pictures will be posted for friends and family to see them. If we restrict ourselves to an extreme, then when it’s reintroduced, people often binge on it. Just like food, people binge on social media after reactivating their accounts. Social media has its place in our lives, but if we spend more than an hour a day on it, we must reevaluate our use.

How else could you spend your time? Maybe read a book, pick up a craft project that you used to love doing, chop vegetables so that you make healthy food choices, call a friend, or spend time in your garden. Continue to observe your habits and feelings when using social media platforms. And remember to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally by engaging in the world around you.

How to Stop Avoiding Hard Things

Coaching

Are you avoiding working out? Or perhaps a complicated conversation with a friend or loved one?

You’ve written it down on your to-do list so many times. You have cleaned your entire house to avoid doing it. But why? Have you convinced yourself during the avoiding stage that it’s too hard or that you must do x, y, and z before starting? Have you made up a scenario in your head that the thing can’t be completed without first cleaning the sink, clearing out the closet, or designing the perfect workspace to do the job on the computer?

I want to remind you that you have done hard things before and can do them again. Let’s stop avoiding! The stress of avoiding something creates tension and disease in your body. And you don’t want that! Think about this, writing the task down day after day on your to-do list eventually takes more time than doing the thing in the first place.

Let’s tackle the challenging thing head-on. I know that you can do this!

First, write down the goal.

Then make a bullet list of everything that would need to be done to complete that goal, be honest.

Now tackle one of those bullet points right now without overthinking it.

Often our goals are too lofty and focused on the end game or the result. But when we narrow our view to smaller steps to complete the goal, we will find that we are more successful. Being able to cross items off as completed makes us feel good! The result of completing that small task gives us a dopamine hit to our brain, making us feel good about ourselves. That chemical our body creates motivates us, and we continue to towards the direction of change.

I want to hear what your goals are; please share in the comments.

What do you need?

Coaching, Mindfulness

Like you, I struggle with asking for help.

Loving people in your life approach during hard times and not-so-hard times and ask, “what do you need?” They want to help, and the intentions are good. But at that moment, you don’t have any idea what you need, you are putting one foot in front of the other. You are in survival mode.

Just as we wouldn’t expect someone to run a marathon without training. We shouldn’t expect ourselves to understand our own needs without practice. I tell my yoga students to listen to their bodies on their mats. Your body tells you in subtle ways what it needs, but only when we listen and pull away from the ego or the Negative Nelly that lives in our heads. It’s then when we are in the present moment with the flow of the yoga class, that we have truly heard the body’s needs. Go deeper, take it slower, and hold that stretch a beat longer.

We practice listening to our bodies on our mats so that we can understand how to listen to our needs off of the mat. It’s then, when we identify for ourselves what we need, that we can see the gifts that present themselves around us. Each individual has a gift to share, something that they are naturally good at doing and doesn’t require much effort for them. When we know what we need, we can then seek help from the people who have those gifts or knowledge.

For example, if you need to vent and get things off your chest. Maybe your husband, who goes into fix-it-mode every time you have a struggle, isn’t the person you should confide in to vent. Seek a friend who is amazing at listening and holding space for you.

An example from my own life, we are six weeks away from launching my oldest kid into college. I am knee-deep in buying stuff for him, toiletries that he can’t take from home because his younger sibling will still need to use them (nail clippers, water bottle spray from hair, etc.), and items for his dorm room so that it doesn’t look like a concrete cell.

I’m also processing my own grief, anxiety, and excitement for him. So reaching out to friends who have younger kids isn’t going to serve me well. This stage of life isn’t on their radar yet. Yes, they could listen and hold space for me, but they wouldn’t be able to offer me advice on what not to buy or how to navigate parenting a young adult. Seeking advice from veteran parents who have college-aged kids is who I should make connections with. Parents who understand this type of sadness and trepidation. They have a gift of experience, of traveling that road that they would be willing to share with someone like me.

The first step is to identify what it is that you need. Do you need physical space, time to process, or connection with like-minded people? What do you need to get through this period of time or experience? It’s important to understand your own needs so that you can trust the decisions that you make and seek help from the people who have the gifts available to you.

So….what do you need?